Monday, August 29, 2011

Things I learned at the State Fair....

The State Fair has always been a giant excuse to binge away.  I'm not sure why anyone goes to the fair otherwise.  Seriously.  That's the only thing we ever did growing up while at the fair - "Money clip!" and the plastic sandpail of choclate cookies or the chocolate dipped bacon or the malt was all mine.  Gorge.  Gorge.  Gorge. 

In the more recent years, I've gone all sorts of ways with this gorge-fest.  Sometimes giving in, sometimes doing "OK" with balancing it and others, well, there was the year all I would eat were lime sno-cones.  Six of them.  And that's it for about 8 hours.

This year, I knew going in that I had a "situation" brewing with trying to attend, stay sane and stay active in my recovery process.  We're not to the place where I'm charting my fats, proteins, etc and having to make exchanges or anything.  So the trick really was how to be like a "normal" person at the fair.  Not get food lust the second a scent hit my nose and not being too scared to eat anything for fear of a binge.

And I was pretty successful.

How am I deciding that?  Well, I tasted the things I wanted to taste.  I didn't end up completely face down in a pile of fried cheese curds.  I only had one sno cone and even then as part of a varied day.  I didn't go insane and eat everything and I didn't go crazy and eat nothing. 

To me, that seems like a win.

How did I make that happen?  Well, before we went I decided to map out all the $1 and under things and the free things at the fair.  We sort of focused on finding those things and had a completely different experience than we usually do which *I* found to be fun and interesting.  Maybe no one else did, but they didn't say anything so who cares.  LOL  The only improvement I think I could have made while at the fair was more water.  But otherwise, I'm pretty happy.

Here's the other thing I learned.  When we're coming back into town, I need to have a meal planned for the return.  When I am tired, the stupid urge to binge is at its strongest.  Mindless eating and eating.  If a meal would have been planned/available this evening I'd like to think that I wouldn't have eaten the amount I did of frozen pizza.  Which is to say was a LOT and MORE than I needed to feel full.  ANd I kept eating it and eating it because I was exhausted and not keeping accountable.  Once I keyed in on that, I stopped.  And have completely fought that nagging urge to get rid of the pizza from my system.  That impulse isn't gone and honestly, I have no idea if it ever will be.  Will it be?  But, the victory is in the not actually acting on it.  At least to me.  Sort of like when I want to ram into some idiot driver with my car and I don't. 

Not acting on the crazies makes them a victory.

I may start making bumper stickers with that gem.

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