Friday, December 30, 2011

2011 wrap up. Which is good since the world's ending next year, right?

Seriously.  I've had a terrible time getting my thoughts focused enough to write about anything.  I do know I have a knack for feeling like even mundane things are worthy of writing about, but yeah.  Not sure what happened.  Maybe I was just practicing being present?  Not sure.

I do know that I'm not ready for 3 weeks in between therapy appointments.  I mean, I'm not in some sort of downward spiral freefall, but whew.  It's hard work being out there on your own when you're used to a weekly love and support-fest.  And it's another 6 days until my next appointment.  I was sick, the therapist's kid was sick and then she was off on Christmas break this week.  Im' muddling through.  The biggest place it's showing up is in my body image.  I think it's been triggered by not being able to get out and run as much as I had been.  I was getting slightly addicted to feeling the changes in my body shape/weight/strength and now that they're not there everyday, I'm feeling fat, lazy and sluggish.  So, I guess there's a lesson in that as well, huh?  The not running consistantly thing is "ok" with me.  I mean, I know WHY - I'm not running with the stomach flu, for one.  I had a HUGE wipe out on the front stairs earlier this week and smashed up my knee like a badass champion.  And then well.......I need to try running on the treadmill because it's gotten in my head that I can only enjoy running if I'm outside.  Clearly I have no way of KNOWING this as I haven't run inside at all.  So, challenge it is.

Speaking of challenge - that's likely going to be the theme I work around for a piece I'm submitting to a CD project promoting ED awareness.  I'm totally excited to be working on it even if it's causing me a little writer's block.  I just want it to be "right" (ahem - perfectionism anyone?) and I need to clarify what it is I want "the world" to know.  Piece of cake, right?  LOL  But I'm on to an idea I think is good if I can just get writing.

What else have I not updated about......

OH - I'm in another show.  FUN!   It's a fabulous cast and I'll only be working with one person I've worked with before so even better - a chance to meet new people!  I'm the obnoxious supporting role of Kitty DeMoyne in "The Royal Family" which is a satire of the Barrymore Family of actors.  We don't start rehearsing until April, but I feel awesome knowing what's next.

My new "happy light" is rocking my world.  Cuold be psychological, could be biological.  Don't care.  LOL  What I care about is not feeling like I'm going to lapse into a coma at 3:30pm every day.  I'm still working on the minimum setting but may bump it up next week. 

Christmases one and two have happened and #3 is this weekend.  Whew.  I will say though that this was one of the most relaxed Christmases we've had.  Not totally sure where that came from but it was great.  The kid is 7 and well, that's a FAB age for Christmas.  She loved all the presents and was so sweet and grateful.  I sure love her.  This weekend = three days at the inlaws.  Bolster that energy.  LOL

So, that's the past month or so.  What's going on for 2012?

My goals are to continue to simplify.  My home, my mind, my relationships.  To quote Lethal Weapon, "I'm too old for this shit."  LOL  I'm going to keep working towards recovery.  It needs to be back in the forefront again - I've gotten a little too "comfortable" in my treatment plan and it's time to start pushing again.  Let go of the garbage and baggage I've been lugging around to make room for new joy.  Oh, and I fully intend on kicking running's BOOTAY as I train for 10K and then a half marathon!  GO ME!

I hope all who are reading this find the same sense of peace I've found in 2011.  It hasn't been easy and it isn't always pretty, but I have hope that some day it will be.  And it's that hope that will make it possible!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The updates! As promised! have you been?  LOL  I don't know.  I needed a lead in.


So there's that.

AND, not only did I run it - I ran it without stopping to walk even once, I ran the last 1.1 miles faster than the first two AND I ran it in under 44:59.  42:11 to be completely precise.

I'm totally a bad ass.

Empowered doesn't even begin to touch on how I felt after crossing the finish line.  That was amazing.  ANd motivating.  And exhilirating.  Really really just proud.  It's hard to describe.  But it's amazing.

As a reward, my body decided I could have a crazy ass shin splint as a souvineer.  It's nice like that.  So, I'm working through that hurdle as well as figuring out what happens next.  I'm figuring out what the "balance" is going to be without a specific goal.  This is where it runs the possibility of getting hard for a person with Edie's brain.

I've never been real successful with balancing exercise.  This time I'm keeping extremely mindful of keeping running for FUN and for nothing else.  As my therapist said, if it becomes even a little bit about weight loss or physical appearance change, I need to quit.  Or at the very least, regroup.  And finding this zen place with still only needing to go run three days a week will also be challenging as well, that whole all or nothing thing creeps up.

So far, I'm OK.  But it's been a week.  LOL  All I can do is try and embrace the support around me to keep from getting crazy.

More to come on the rest!