....and maybe I'll come back and clarify it in a little. But for now, I'm all stressy, anxious, jittery and I need to dump the contents of my brain out.......
Therapy session today and it was "family relationship" oriented. Good things to get out but terribly uncomfortable. Talked a LOT about how my brain is completely hard wired to perfectionism and has been since I was young. Talked again about meds which won't happen until 3/28. My counselor agreed that wasn't ideal, but they only have one nurse practitioner, so it's just a lag time to get in. I'm nervous about the anxiety meds - IRONY - but if they'll slow my brain down and her me to stop feeling like this all the time, I'm up for trying them. SHe mentioned how a big part of ED is it wanting you to feel one dimension - in essence reducing you to being all of one thing. Encouraged me to think about that more. WHich is good. I get it, but I need to think about it more. Talked about my compulsion to never let anyone see anything but the "Julie" I"ve created - happy, smiling, "on". She wanted me to think about if anyone gets to see the "real Julie". Need to think more about that as well.
I'm STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSED OUT about this upcoming trip I'm trying to coordinate. To the point that I want to throw in the towel and say forget it. And I just might. It isn't going the way I want it to - the whole purpose of the trip is sort of skewed at this point and I feel like only one other person is even remotely helping get it all resolved. I can't hack it. It's too much money and time to just be dumb about simply because no one else is getting on the same page. Maybe I just need to go and get it all clarified point blank. It's not worth the added stress.
OK - I have to go start supper. Blah. There's more, but those are what I needed to for sure get dumped out. Oh and I friggin hate both my dogs right now.