Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Like the old timey wild west....

I'm feeling unsettled.

Not sure why.  I mean, I have a lot going on just in normal life stuff.  But not that much more than usual.  My ED has been being challenged a lot more (as is proof in my post from last night) but I feel like I'm meeting that challenge head on - or as head on as I can.  My new running program is going great.  Food is going well.

Why do I have that little nervous anxious spot in my chest?

The only thing I can pick out from today is a feeling of disappointment about not being included in an upcoming staged reading series.  But would that trigger anxiety?  Could it come out like that?  Not sure.

I guess my plan of attack is to be mindful of it.  See if I can meditate a little on what's causing it so I can release it to the universe.

Feeling things is still a tricky concept for me.  I still have a tendancy to get that force field up to deflect any negative feelings which may try to sneak my way.  Now that I leave it down more often, I'm finding that I do't always have the "right" way to handle things like being disappointed.  I guess that comes with practice?  Maybe that's what my body is doing right now too.  Maybe it needs practice as to how to alert me to what's going on in there emotionally.

We'll work it out, my body, my brain and I.  But for today, right in the moment, it's all just a little "blah."

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