Wednesday, October 12, 2011

If you wrote a letter to your body, what would you say?

Dear body,

The time has come for me to apologize.  I have treated you as the enemy, as a ticking time bomb, as the only thing that made me who I was and who people liked, as a garbage dump, as a punching bag, as the problem.  I've recently come to discover that it's not you, it's me.  Or, more specifically, Edie.

You see, my "friend" Edie has a tendancy to fill my head with nonsense about you, me and the world around me.  She's very convincing and extremely sly.  Things that she says which make no sense at all start to make sense the more she's around.  And you should know, she put the blame squarely on you for the past 25 years.  That's a long time to take the blame for something you didn't do.

I'm sorry for abusing you in the ways that I have.  I would like to offer my deepest gratitude for your ability to stay with me even in the darkest times; even when I put you through hell.  You've stayed there for me, relatively healthy despite the damage I've inflicted.  The responsibility is my own for listening too closely to Edie.  The wounds she asked me to give you, the hate she stirred up for you, the frustration that I couldn't just make you listen and do what I wanted leave me looking like an out of control crazy person.  Nothing I've done to you is something I would do to anyone else. 

My promise to you is that from here on, I will be doing my very best to embrace you and atone for my past trangressions.  I have so much appreciation for how you've responded in strength to my request for you to help me run.  I appreciate you continuing to let me know what you need even when I haven't listened to you in the past.  I will try to fulfill your needs and stand by you the way you have stood by me for all these years. 

Most of all, I promise to try as hard as I can to stop listening to what Edie says about you and to start listening to what I say about you.  I hope you can understand that Edie has been a part of my life for so many years that it will be tricky for me to phase her out.  Even though her presence is destructive to both of us, she's got a lot of roots I'll need time to chop and dig up. 

Let's make a pact to be patient with each other as we re-establish this relationship.  You do what you need to do and I'll accept that.  I'll do what I need to do and you accept that.  As we build that new trust and get rid of Edie's influence on what our relationship should be, I am confident we can be friends.  I hope you feel the same.



  1. Is it a sign that my mother's name IS Edie?

  2. Hahahahah.....Well...... I had to come up with something other than "my eating disorder" which always felt like I was speaking of myself in the third person and was soooo clinical and serious. It felt weird. So, Edie (E.D.), it is!