Process

I had an audition this morning.  For a musical. I haven't auditioned for a musical since COLLEGE.  Which was a loooooooong time ago.  LOL 

It's funny because before college, I had no idea I'd be any good at musicals.  In college, I because obsessed with musical theatre and fully intended to focus my future career on it.  After college, somewhere my brain decided to get phobic about musical theatre and told me I couldn't do it.

To break that cycle, off I went to today's audition.  And it went FABULOUSLY.  I felt great.  The people in the room were great.  Really just a solid positive experience.

And, here I sit at 9:50pm without having recieved any sort of phone call inviting me to a callback tomorrow.  After specifically being told the calls would go out tonight AND being asked to be sure I had tomorrow open and available for the callback.

So what do I do with this....

The primary thing I'm feeling is incredulous.  Not even a callback?  Really?  What the hell??

Then I think, well, maybe they're just making the calls super late.

Which shifts back to, seriously??  Not even a call back??  Or a "Thanks but no thanks" email to let me off the hook and into bed?

But in all this disappointment and uncertainty you know what's missing?  That little voice that has always used to say, "Well, it's because you're not good enough."  That's not there.  If they don't cast me it's because there are other opportunities out there for me.  I'm a firm believer in everything working out the way it's supposed it.

Doesn't mean things don't sting when they go a different way than I'd hoped.  That's for sure.  But, in this moment, I'm going to try direct my attention to embracing and encouraging that new voice of confidence which emerged today.

I like that one much better.