Wednesday, November 2, 2011

I need a blow hole.

That would make coming up for air a bit easier to fit into the hecticness.  (Totally made that word up.  Can't help it.  I'm sleepy and can't think of real words.)

The past week or so has been a blur of Halloween related happenings, shit-tastic runs, one amazing run, new social environments, newsletter at work, piles of math homework for the kid and then just normal life stuff on top of that.

I'm exhausted.

When things get that busy, I go into survival mode.  I used to be someone who LOVED being distracted by being busy busy busy.  Now, I don't handle it so well.  It makes me want to shut down and totally deny that anything needs to get accomplished above and beyond the new stuff on my plate.  So, the house becomes a literal disaster area.  Grocery shopping gets put on the back burner.  The minimum only.

Of course, this is a new revelation.  In my attempt to break free of rolling back into the old and familiar cycle, I'm looking for opportunities to "push back" at Edie when she tries to bring me back in.  This is a great area to work on.  Life needs to go on.  There's a bare minimum that still needs to happen every day.  Dishes need to be done.  Things need to be put away.  I can't expect to keep finding new things to avoid those normal every day things.  Like building a new toy table instead of paying the mounting bills.

Maybe it's a problem with wanting to accept reality.  It's easier for me to just gloss over for fear of getting sucked back into the vortex.  The vortex = failure in my brain but I need to change that.  I need to just embrace that sometimes people have to go into the vortex, get their boring stuff accomplished, and come back out.

On a total aside, and only because it popped into my head, I'm still on a course of daily, hourly, minute-ly, reminders that the end result of my running training is NOT focused on what my body weighs or looks like.  It is that I'm able to do something I've never done before and that I've found something new to work on and enjoy.  Nowhere in the training does it tell me to weigh myself or get crazy about not seeing the number change/obsess about if my body is getting smaller while it gets stronger.  This is a hard lesson for me.

Anyway.  I guess my "blow hole" today is just dumping the mind clutter in the hopes that it will help me attack the house clutter.  I'm just exhausted and need to start tending to things like sleep and MINDFUL relaxation.

No comments:

Post a Comment