As I've discussed in previous posts, I've begun a love affair with running.
This past week, after finally figuring out where to run on the treadmill (why does that sound like something that should be obvious??! LOL) as well as finding a comfy pace (4.8) I did what I never would have dreamed was possible.
I ran 6 miles.
And then, yesterday, I did it again.
On one hand, I'm THRILLED and proud and super excited that another barrier has been knocked down.
On the other hand, I'm sitting here fighting the urge to go down and run again. To see if I can beat that time. Beat that distance.
Which means the last place I'm allowed to go today is downstairs to the treadmill.
What a stupid trigger. But, there it is. My limited success is bringing out one of the most frustrating sides of Edie. The compulsive exerciser. It's frustrating because of all the ED behaviors I've ever had, THAT is the one which garners the most praise and adoration from my peers. Boy people applaud you for minor fitness goals. Additionally, it falls into that "I can compute success and failure in this activity" zone, so ED steps right up and starts tracking.
Not totally sure what my next step should be with running. There's absolutely a place for it in the healthy version of my life. I'm just not sure exactly how to get it there right now. And that's OK. That's what therapy will be about on Wednesday.
For now, my plan is to do a run tomorrow and then nothing until after therapy. And that's an OK balance I think.