Somedays, as I get myself put together for the day standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I look up and see a face. A face I call "ugly man in bad drag makeup". Awesome, huh? It's a face which resembles mine but just looks weird and wrong somehow and one that confuses and confounds rather than upsets and disappoints. In the midst of this eating disorder, this is one event that I know to be a figment of my imagination. I don't have an ugly face. I don't have a man's face. Just somedays my eyeballs and brain act stupidly when they process what I look like.
Conversely, there are other days. Pretty much the exact opposite type of day. I peer at my reflection and am presented with a beautiful face. Mine. Happy, young, healthy, content. Beautiful.
I've had that day three in a row now. I like those days. Much more than the drag queen days. And hope to have more and more of them in the future.