Sunday, February 12, 2012

The dance continues....

Today's not a great day in my war against ED thinking. 

The good news, it's a great day in staying strong in my "not acting on it" thinking.

I'm not totally sure what triggered it.  It WAS a crazy weekend for us - my daughter turned 8 and there was mucho celebration.  I know I saw a photo which horrified and fascinated me in terms of what my body looked like.  I get pretty frustrated that photos can't be trusted.  And I do know they can't.  There were many other photos which looked totally different and it's impossible that I gain 75 pounds in time for one photo and then lost it for the next.  Clearly.  But of course ED just keeps drawing me back to the unflattering photo.

Then we got busy with sleepober party prep.  My eating was erratic/non-existant.  By today, eating anything then made me feel bloated and loagie and ick.  I know I didn't overeat.  But I'm sitting here feeling disgusting.  And since I know my therapist will ask me all about what I did next when I see her Wednesday, I'm trying to follow a path of which I'll be proud to report.

So, here I am.  Acknowledging it.  Reflecting on it.  Deciding it's not the end of the world and that tomorrow I could very well feel totally differently again about my shape/size/body.  And when I'm done here, I'll make a little food plan for tomorrow to get back on track with consistant eating.

This is the best I can do.  It's enough.  And this section of the dance will move on.

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